I admit that I used to be mildly homophobic and openly transphobic. It would be cool to be the kind of person who always had the wisdom to understand things beyond her narrow world. But unfortunately I was not. I can say I was mildly homophobic because I never met a person of alternate sexuality. If I had, perhaps I would have to admit that I was a crazy homophobe.
My first interactions with trans persons were when I was about 5 years old. They used to come home to ask for money once in a while and I was terrified of them. Because I just could not wrap my head around the concept of it all. Unfortunately, my mother did not have the knowledge and the tools to explain things to me. I grew up carrying this irrational fear. I would see them in trains and ignore them. I would think they are loud and crass. I bought into narratives of how they would molest men to get money. In short, I was an idiot.
I used to crack 'harmless' jokes. If two girls were holding hands, I said 'Ooooh Fire'. Referring to the movie of course. Any guy wearing pink was 'So gay!'. When I saw terrible representations of alternate sexuality in mainstream media, I would laugh. I used to say 'How can they be like that?'. When two friends in my hostel were hugging on the bed, I joked 'Homosexuality is illegal in India. Stop it!'. God, I thought I was hilarious. I should have been slapped.
I think back about all this, and feel deeply, deeply ashamed. There were no excuses for my behavior. The words which have been misquoted to Morgan Freeman, resonate with me. He (actually someone pretending to be him) said, "I hate the term homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole".
Hello world, I was an asshole.
I shudder to think of the impact my words could have had. Was there someone around me struggling with their identity and sexuality who was further pushed into the closet? Was there someone seeking support but couldn't find it because of my insensitive jokes and the laughter that followed? Was I responsible in some way for someone's depression?
What makes us so insensitive and cruel? In my case, I would like to pin it on a lack of awareness. Nothing I grew up with equipped me to understand people who were different. It is difficult to remove the filters of heteronormativity. I wish someone had sat down to talk to me about sexuality (among other things). I have a feeling that I might have understood. I would have grown up as a more sensitive person. I remember the sole sex ed class I had growing up. A doctor was called in. She used slides and as she spoke, I think she mentally ticked off the checklist - adolescence, breasts, periods, pubic hair, voice cracking, STDs. That's it. So sex only means STDs or pregnancy. Nothing about feelings. And absolutely nothing about alternate sexuality or gender identity. I believe that conversations can be powerful if done the right way (I often do it the wrong way but that is another story in itself). And I wish that as kids, these conversations were made possible.
Having said all that, if it is not clear yet, I grew up and I have changed the way I think. Completely. And I thank the universe for that. But apparently our esteemed judges at the Supreme Court have not grown up at all (this reminds me of a scene in Jab We Met).
It came as more of a surprise because all around me I was seeing the changes. And it was not because my work involved working on this issue exactly. Other people, people outside of my social sciences universe were all growing up. Even if it was not in a fiery everyone-has-rights way but just shrugging and saying "Well, that is a personal choice. I don't care". Considering the homophobic and transphobic reactions I had heard before, it did seem like a step forward. In this climate, the judgment came as a kick in the gut. Unbelievably stupid. Unbelievably ignorant. Unbelievably discriminatory. I could go on.
It is difficult to even call this judgment regressive because enough has been said and written about alternative sexuality and gender identity being accepted in society from ancient times. 'Same sex love in India' is an excellent book highlighting the same.
So, for the community, the battle lines are drawn again. It is back to the streets, back to the protests, back to the advocacy, back to the conversations. The rainbow protests are the most fun protests I have attended. All the rage, gets channeled in a cheeky and colorful manner. Slogans are catchy, voices are loud, clothes are bright and there is a fair bit of humor and drama. Sample this. My favourite slogan which is used in the protests in Bangalore goes 'Kanoon antha kanoonu. Avara appandanta kanoonu'. I am struggling to find an appropriate translation. Loosely translated, it means, 'They think the law is their father's'. The protests post the judgment have given me hope again. This is such a strong community. They have fought so many battles already. This is seen as just another large obstacle. The boundaries will continue to be pushed. Change is coming.
I end with another favourite slogan, 'Nodi swami. Naavu iravadu heege'. It is a dialogue from an old Kannada movie. It simply says, look boss, we are like this only. Like this only. Like this only.
My first interactions with trans persons were when I was about 5 years old. They used to come home to ask for money once in a while and I was terrified of them. Because I just could not wrap my head around the concept of it all. Unfortunately, my mother did not have the knowledge and the tools to explain things to me. I grew up carrying this irrational fear. I would see them in trains and ignore them. I would think they are loud and crass. I bought into narratives of how they would molest men to get money. In short, I was an idiot.
I used to crack 'harmless' jokes. If two girls were holding hands, I said 'Ooooh Fire'. Referring to the movie of course. Any guy wearing pink was 'So gay!'. When I saw terrible representations of alternate sexuality in mainstream media, I would laugh. I used to say 'How can they be like that?'. When two friends in my hostel were hugging on the bed, I joked 'Homosexuality is illegal in India. Stop it!'. God, I thought I was hilarious. I should have been slapped.
I think back about all this, and feel deeply, deeply ashamed. There were no excuses for my behavior. The words which have been misquoted to Morgan Freeman, resonate with me. He (actually someone pretending to be him) said, "I hate the term homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole".
Hello world, I was an asshole.
I shudder to think of the impact my words could have had. Was there someone around me struggling with their identity and sexuality who was further pushed into the closet? Was there someone seeking support but couldn't find it because of my insensitive jokes and the laughter that followed? Was I responsible in some way for someone's depression?
What makes us so insensitive and cruel? In my case, I would like to pin it on a lack of awareness. Nothing I grew up with equipped me to understand people who were different. It is difficult to remove the filters of heteronormativity. I wish someone had sat down to talk to me about sexuality (among other things). I have a feeling that I might have understood. I would have grown up as a more sensitive person. I remember the sole sex ed class I had growing up. A doctor was called in. She used slides and as she spoke, I think she mentally ticked off the checklist - adolescence, breasts, periods, pubic hair, voice cracking, STDs. That's it. So sex only means STDs or pregnancy. Nothing about feelings. And absolutely nothing about alternate sexuality or gender identity. I believe that conversations can be powerful if done the right way (I often do it the wrong way but that is another story in itself). And I wish that as kids, these conversations were made possible.
Having said all that, if it is not clear yet, I grew up and I have changed the way I think. Completely. And I thank the universe for that. But apparently our esteemed judges at the Supreme Court have not grown up at all (this reminds me of a scene in Jab We Met).
It came as more of a surprise because all around me I was seeing the changes. And it was not because my work involved working on this issue exactly. Other people, people outside of my social sciences universe were all growing up. Even if it was not in a fiery everyone-has-rights way but just shrugging and saying "Well, that is a personal choice. I don't care". Considering the homophobic and transphobic reactions I had heard before, it did seem like a step forward. In this climate, the judgment came as a kick in the gut. Unbelievably stupid. Unbelievably ignorant. Unbelievably discriminatory. I could go on.
It is difficult to even call this judgment regressive because enough has been said and written about alternative sexuality and gender identity being accepted in society from ancient times. 'Same sex love in India' is an excellent book highlighting the same.
So, for the community, the battle lines are drawn again. It is back to the streets, back to the protests, back to the advocacy, back to the conversations. The rainbow protests are the most fun protests I have attended. All the rage, gets channeled in a cheeky and colorful manner. Slogans are catchy, voices are loud, clothes are bright and there is a fair bit of humor and drama. Sample this. My favourite slogan which is used in the protests in Bangalore goes 'Kanoon antha kanoonu. Avara appandanta kanoonu'. I am struggling to find an appropriate translation. Loosely translated, it means, 'They think the law is their father's'. The protests post the judgment have given me hope again. This is such a strong community. They have fought so many battles already. This is seen as just another large obstacle. The boundaries will continue to be pushed. Change is coming.
I end with another favourite slogan, 'Nodi swami. Naavu iravadu heege'. It is a dialogue from an old Kannada movie. It simply says, look boss, we are like this only. Like this only. Like this only.
